Life after diagnosis…how did I arrive at this thought? A few days ago I was in deep thought about a lot of things. I got a Facebook reminder about my arthritis & thyroid disease diagnosis. It dawned on me that it was 3 years later.
3 years later.
3 years later, almost 4 and I still haven’t had hip replacement. 3 years later and I’ve lost only 60lbs but not enough to reach weight loss surgery this year. I’m 35 and all of this feels so daunting. I was tempted to wallow, instead I’ve chosen to celebrate; here’s why.
I’m Still Here
I really fell into a bad and long depressive episode. I mean it was awful, to the point of myself considering what would happen if I took my own life. For awhile I was silent about it until the negative thoughts became so deafening that I had to tell my husband and talk to a professional about. I was even considering going into the psych ward (again).
It took a lot to work through the feelings I had about my mobility. And to be quite honest it’s still a lot of work despite being in a better space mentally, emotionally and physically than I was 3 years ago. The thing that I am most grateful for is the fact that I am still here and still fighting.
Any time I get to open my eyes to a new day is a win; so take that depression!
Aging is…But I’m Still…
Aging is….overwhelming. I really have been thinking about the fact that as of March I will be just 4 little years away from 40. I can’t begin to fathom how I got here so suddenly lol. My body is changing, my mind is changing, there’s just so much CHANGE.
Some days I’m excited about getting older cause I just know that I will only get wiser and who doesn’t appreciate good wisdom? But there are also times when I find myself mourning my youth. Mostly my bad decision and the regret from not doing something more fruitful while I was still young.
However, aging has come with perks; mostly my maturation and ability to change the lens on my life focus. I’m forever grateful that in this aging process I’ve actually learned. Can’t beat that.
I’m Still Fighting
And that’s the part I’m most proud of. I could have given up, but I didn’t. Despite all the changes thrown at me, the way COVID-19 came through and tore up 2020; not only did I manage to survive but I experienced growth in multiple facets of my life and I am GRATEFUL.
Surgery may be a little while off, but I’m still dancing (even if it’s with a rollator lol).
Make no mistake, I am not crediting myself for any of this; the role I played was minimal in comparison to Jehovah and all the love and support poured into me by my husband, my mother, father and siblings as well as friends who are legit my family. I am just glad to be here. And I hope you are too.