Yes you guys, 2019 is rapidly coming to an end. It is that time of the year! Most people are over the year, looking forward to a new year to start fresh and anew. While that’s the narrative of most people, it’s definitely not mine. 2019 was full of ups and downs just like any other year for me. Did I hate it or love it? Perhaps a little of both.
The First Quarter 2019
It’s funny, January 2019 feels like it just got here. It’s amazing to me that an entire year flew by. At the beginning of the year I was DEEP in a depression. My mind was still feeling bogged down by my limited mobility, my weight gain and the weight I couldn’t seem to lose to get me to hip surgery.
Working my 9-5 was such a struggle because of the pain I was in. As an employee I was becoming unreliable because my mental and physical health was keeping me from being the employee I once was. I felt like I was drowning. I was afraid to quit because well money. Eventually I came out of work on short term disability in March.
That was a tough pill to swallow. I was so used to being a working woman, a contributor to my household, a support to my husband. Having to be home sent me spiraling mentally and emotionally for awhile.
Hubby and I had a plan, and we stuck to it. I was finally able to come out of work permanently with much support from my supervisor and HR department in June.
Second and Third Quarter 2019
Being out of work left me nothing but time to dwell on everything I wasn’t and couldn’t do anymore. It was STRESSFUL. On the flip side of that I had gained my LLC License for my cosmetics line back in February and in May I launched AP Young Beauty Collection. It was an amazing leap of faith that I took into entrepreneurship. I had been plotting for some time; but knowing I was coming out of a full time job gave me the push I needed to take the chance.
As a blogger, my brand work grew and so did my content. I began to pour into my blog more since I had the time to do it and I’m really proud of the work I’ve done.
I was still struggling with my health and had to come up with a plan to help myself, so I did.
Third & Fourth Quarter 2019
In October I took the plunge to travel (even though anxiety really stops me from traveling) to New York for the inaugural Chronicon. I felt good challenging myself to do something outside of my norm; and I’m looking forward to doing more of that.
Leaving my job meant different insurance. This meant that I could now be eligible for weight loss surgery. I knew in my mind I wanted to do it; but I also knew there was work I needed to do to take that plunge.
So, I started eating better for my body. I also decided that my arthritis was not going to be my reason to not exercise. I put together my recumbent bike and started making exercise apart of my daily routine.
It wasn’t easy, I had spent the better of the last two years telling myself I wasn’t capable. I had to undo all of the negative talk I had given myself. I took one day at a time and before I knew it; cycling became freedom to me. It was helping diminish my anxiety and depression symptoms.
Once I felt stable enough, I met with the surgeon; and my VSG (Vertical sleep gastrectomy) journey officially began. I am excited to do this and looking forward to working towards my hip replacement.
I like to think of 2019 as my redemption year. Did I fix all of my problems? No. Do I still struggle with depression, anxiety and arthritis? Yes. However, I’m in a much better place with a different mindset which is allowing me the space I need to grow.
A year ago I was frazzled about my son who was facing challenges in school due to his Tourette’s & ADHD. This school year he’s in an amazing school designed for his needs. I like to believe that God has blessed me in significant ways, none of which was material wealth or possessions. It was more important than that.
I’m learning a new resiliency, I’m learning who I am, what I’m made of and all the things I can actually do as a wife, mom and entrepreneur. I love that in 2019 I was able to stop spiraling mentally and start working towards my stability.
2019 may not be filled with glorious tales of traveling or rolling in cash; but I promise you what it was filled with was priceless. I’m looking forward to seeing what 2020 brings about as well!
Until Next Time,