When we experience trauma in our lives whether emotionally,mentally or physically; somewhere in our minds we have the desire to get over or to heal from said trauma. Self help books, talk show therapists and self proclaimed gurus alike often tell us that we can get over our pain. And they are correct, we can certainly get past trauma or effectively learn how to cope.
But what does that process look like?
I remember my first time when I began to take therapy seriously; I thought I would go and talk and magically as if a wand had been waved, I’d be all fixed.
Clearly I had a very misinformed perception of what healing actually looked like, and I’m learning that there are many people who have that perception too.
The reality that I’ve experienced is that healing can be just as painful as the wounds;but in due time that pain will diminish. The one part of my healing that I discounted was the grieving process.
I was the type of person who wanted to just “be over it”, so I would quickly push things out my head in an attempt to move past it. I didn’t allow myself to really feel or even understand my feelings. Understanding my why has become a really important factor in my healing.
Grieving allows me to cry when I need to, be angry if I have to and then move on to the next step. But here’s the kicker, grief can come back. I can have bouts of being great and then suddenly a certain smell, the weather, a song, a place can trigger a string of thoughts; and suddenly my emotions are in turmoil.
But that leads me to the healthy coping skills I’m learning through therapy and research. I don’t have to allow my grief to to be debilitating. I can experience grief in the process of healing but it doesn’t have to be the end of my healing and result in me starting all over again.
Whatever it is you may be trying to heal from, allow yourself the grace and compassion you would to a close family member or friend. Be kind to yourself. Understand that your healing will not look like someone else’s and there is no set time limit on your healing.
The most important thing is getting the appropriate help you need to heal. All too often we carry our trauma around like luggage because we don’t know how to put it down. Social economic status may even affect accessibility to the help a person needs. There is help available and resources for those who just may not know where to start.
If you are one of those people, here’s a link worth visiting:
If you’re reading this….it’s not too late.