When I first set out to blog, I didn’t know that being a fat body would become a conversation. However, as I began to share more about myself and my life; there was no way not to discuss my experience in a fat body because that is how I’ve navigated thru the majority of my life.
I’ve been open about my emotional relationship with food, my issues with thyroid health, fluctuating weight, finding fashion, pursuing life at any size, finding love, being a mom etc. The list could go on and on.
Weight Loss Surgery
I’ve discussed the idea of weight loss surgery here on this blog before. I’ve even highlighted women who have gone through the process or preparing to go through the process in a series called Her Story. For many reasons, weight loss surgery did not happen for me.
I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t commit to the idea. My insurance didn’t cover it.
I had a gajillion more reasons.
But now, here it is a few years later and I’m back in the weight loss surgery saddle. It’s no secret that I have severe osteoarthritis of the hip. Despite the common assumption; this is not from being fat, this is from a congenital birth defect called Hip Dysplasia. I need a hip replacement, but my weight bars me from being a candidate.
So while I’ve made and am still making efforts to lose weight intentionally; I need assistance. Therefore I’ve made the decision that I think is best for me.
Body Acceptance & Intentional Weight Loss
I am 34 years old and in the last 5 years I think I’ve learned the most about loving my body and the difference between accepting it. I love what my body does for me; it has carried me through this life of mine, birthed babies, sustained me through trials and the list goes on and on. For these reasons I love my body.
However, loving my body and honoring what it’s done for me does not mean I love every little thing about it. Yet, I’ve found a way to accept it despite the things about it that I don’t necessarily love. Feeling betrayed by my body is a major feeling I’ve had to contend with as I have gone through the process of thyroid disease, arthritis and watching myself lose control over my mobility as it once was.
My desire to lose weight is not rooted in trying to fit into society’s definition of what’s acceptable. I couldn’t care less about being thin, being accepted or wanting to look a certain way. I have not felt insecure about my looks in conjunction with my weight in a very long time. Though the idea of being confident in one’s looks at 400lbs+ seems like a radical idea for many; it’s simply the way I’ve chosen to be.
When I decided that I needed to lose weight it was because I could feel my weight affecting me; and I was downright told by my physicians that this would keep me from hip replacement. So weight loss seemed like a no-brainer.
Happiness is Not Defined by the Scale
Though I am pursuing my weight loss journey, I do not promote happiness through weight loss. I never want to teach anybody that in order to be happy you have to be smaller. It’s simply not true.
I do think that being healthy can directly affect your happiness. When you’re body is not functioning at optimal capacity; it can create a breeding ground for depression, anxiety, inflammation, disruption to the digestive system etc. So what I do encourage is doing what’s healthy for your body. What’s healthy for a person does not look the same for each individual.
Everyone will not be their happiest or healthiest at their smallest weight.
Your Journey is Yours
There are a lot of movements out there that will tell you how you should treat your body. I don’t subscribe to any of those things because at the end of the day; I am the only one who has to live in my body.
Someone else’s ideologies about diet, weight gain or loss, fat acceptance, body positive, health, fitness etc. will never supersede my decision making about my body.
However you choose to pursue your journey with your body; I just encourage you to do it with balance emotionally, mentally and physically. Whatever decision you make for your body; do it with love.
Until next time ya’ll!