A month ago I sat down at the very laptop I’m typing on right now, and explained that I needed to focus on my health journey and my healing. I was in the depths of a depressive episode and didn’t feel compelled to be blogging a la Carrie Bradshaw. And though my depressive episode is not over; I am in a better head space, and ready to begin blogging again – I think.
If you’re a reader of this blog then you know I’ve been grieving my health situation, and pretty intensely at that. Over the last month I’ve been nurturing my mind and body and nourishing myself with positive thoughts and actions to help put me back on the path to my healing.
This has not been easy. For every good day, there seems to be 5 more bad ones. I can start off feeling really optimistic, and then one bad thought can ruin the whole trajectory of my course. And that pretty much sums up what the last month has been like for me.
Pretty anti-climatic huh?
I went into Wal-Mart the other day convinced I was going to just walk around; but the pain in my hip was so severe I promptly got in a mart-cart. For the firs 30 seconds I found myself tensed up and worried about potential onlookers. My anxieties evaporated swiftly when I realized I was still shopping independently without assistance; and that little nugget gave me the self reassurance I needed.
And that’s what’s it’s really been like for me, taking small moments one at a time and helping myself normalize my new set of circumstances. Truthfully speaking, do I wish my body was doing differently? ABSOLUTELY! But right now that’s not the case. I can either lay down and grieve forever, or I can keep pushing to be the best version of me that I can be.
I choose the latter.
I know that I have a lot more work to be doing to help myself, but right now I’m just glad to be able to see the forest through the trees. And that’s all I could really ask for.