Whenever people ask “How are you?” I find myself wondering exactly how I should answer that polite greeting. You see, most of us know when people ask you that; they don’t mean it. It’s simply a way to say hello and appease a social quota that most of us feel obligated to ask.
Because of this, I rarely go into how I’m REALLY feeling. Instead, I am just as polite and often respond with: “I’m enduring” or “I’m hanging in there” when in fact, some days even those statements feel like the furthest thing from the truth.
Depression although SO common with it affecting 16.1 million adults in the U.S alone (6.7 of the population) and it being the leading cause of disability for people ages 14-44; still is a topic that most people when encountered with it are extremely uncomfortable. It really begs the question…
I spend a lot of time working on myself mentally in order to approach this illness in a way that is therapeutic and allows me to be functional. I write in my journal, I see a therapist when necessary and then there is the medication. I talk with my husband about it and with friends who are personally familiar with the subject because they too are enduring. I seek spiritual counsel from the elders in my congregation and I pray often.
Most people who meet me always seem taken aback by the fact that I suffer with depression. Then there are the ignorant ones who assume I battle with depression because I’m obese. *Side eye*
There is just so much misinformation and very little conversation when it needs to be had. I applaud those who continue to come forward with their struggles, share their journeys, and keep the dialogue going. You don’t know what sharing YOUR story may do for that one random person who needed it.
And that’s why I bear it all.
Unabashedly, poignant and to the point. I don’t desire to put on a facade for my readers. Yes I feel blessed to have the things I have, to live the life I live, to have the people in my life that I do,
I’ve been living with depression in it’s many forms since I was 9 years old. I still struggle with it to this VERY day and minute as I’m typing these words. So those moments when getting out of the bed pains me still exist. The crying fits that begin the moment my eyes open still exist. The lack of desire to exist in a functional capacity in my day to day still exist. The feelings of unworthiness sometimes rear their ugly heads. The blame I put on myself for my sexual assault sometimes resurfaces. And many, many other negative emotions can manifest at any given time in the course of my day.
So I will continue to talk about it, share my tips, my doctor’s visits, my good and my bad moments because this is me.
I may be a blogger. I may love fashion. I may love getting dressed- but there are MANY other facets to me.
I’m not here to tell you there’s a cure. I’m not here to tell you a testimony of how I’ve overcome. I can tell you how I cope, I can tell you how I take it minute by minute and day by day.
My life is not glam or the pretty pics I may post from time to time.
I’m ok with that, and I hope you the reader are too.
Welcome to my blog.