Here it is only 6 days into 2018 and I already have something on my mind that I need to put into words. And that’s ok because that’s what I’ve been doing the entire time I’ve had a blogging career. I do a lot of thinking; hard to believe sometimes since I have so much on my plate to juggle with the many roles I play in life.
Along this journey of introducing ‘Plus size’ blogging into my blog; I find myself wanting to shed that title more and more. Plus size blogger sounds so…one dimensional; something I totally am not. However, I am finding that more and more people find themselves taken aback by the many topics I tackle; and also taken aback by my blunt approach to my experience.
I step on toes. I offend. I don’t play the politics game well. At almost 33 years of age, the older I get, the less inclined I feel to ‘play nice’ for the sake of gaining something. I just cannot. It goes against everything I teach my children, and against everything I believe in.
I’m not opposed to being polite, and even not saying certain things because it’s not necessary. But I am opposed to compromising my dignity so that perhaps brands will play nice with me, or I can be asked to sit at some imaginary table that doesn’t exist. I started blogging because I love writing, I needed a way to voice the things that ran through my head. I never envisioned my blog to be anything other than a platform to tell MY truth.
In 2017 I feel like I almost forgot that.
The minute I began to feel like I was becoming something I didn’t like, I started checking myself. I started talking with my husband about it. I started evaluating myself and my intentions. I started withdrawing from people and things that were causing me to feel like I needed to be someone else or different.
I know who I am.
I am a woman who has overcome suicidal tendencies, a former teen mom, a rape survivor, a depression warrior, a woman who heavily believes in Jehovah, a sinner, a lover, a wife, a mother who loves her children, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a fighter by nature, a nurturer, ambitious, loving, but imperfect beautiful woman.
Gone are the days of me wanting or needing to fit in with anyone. I look back on those days of being young, dumb and impressionable and I don’t have fond memories. I use that feeling to fuel my desire to never compromise who I know myself to be vs. how anyone else views me.
I appreciate anyone who rocks with me, my blogging, supports my goals and my brand. Truly I do. And I even appreciate the ones who do not. I’m not in this to gain millions of followers on my blog or anywhere else.
It’s a word that comes up so often in the blogging community I wonder what we all did before it was learned. Before the numbers became the focus. Before the numbers began to dictate the content. Before numbers began to silence authenticity.
So in 2018, I ditch the numbers concept. I’m not looking, I’m not clocking, I’m not caring. I’m going to put out what I put out; and those who are drawn to my work or my vibes will find me. Simple as that.
I know I have the power to do so much more than tell plus women where to shop for their clothes. I can do that and I will do that- but there’s a bigger lesson in all of this. As I’m learning it, I hope you (the reader) are too.