I’m a pretty candid person when it comes to my mental and physical health. So many people on this planet exist in spaces of uncertainty and unhappiness because of the isolating feeling of insecurity. Whenever I share my personal journey, it’s in hopes that those people will some how cross my path and feel a little less lonely and a lot more inspired.
If you’ve been following me on any of my social media for any amount of time then you know that I am a fat black woman who loves her husband, kids and her fashion! Along my journey I discovered I had health problems that directly resulted in my massive weight gain in a short amount of time; I won’t recap that but should you be curious you can read about it here.
Along this journey with Hashimoto’s and Hypothyroidism; I’ve been met with some unsavory symptoms. Symptoms that hurt my body, my mind and my mojo. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I walk with a limp now because of arthritis that has developed in my joints, even in my hands. I itch often when I have inexplicable hive breakouts, hair loss, cold intolerance, hot flashes from medication and a pocketbook not deep enough for all the specialist and doctor’s visits I have to make.
I mean, the lists of complaints can go on and on. Many days I spend in prayer because I’m simply exhausted and in pain and I just want to quit life.
But I can’t. My faith doesn’t allow for me to think that way. But the love of my children and husband keep me fueled.
So when my doctor told me she was ready to refer me for weight loss surgery; I wanted to punch her in the throat. With all I am going through you really want to discuss my weight?? Once I calmed my irrational hormonal state, I recognized why it was necessary.
Not having a thyroid put me out of the frying pan and into the fire in terms of my ability to lose weight. Not only is it difficult to lose; it’s that much easier to gain. So she explained it as getting a head start in an extremely difficult race.
I had considered wls years ago, back 2010. But then I started miraculously shedding pounds (though in hindsight I learned that was my thyroid in HYPERthyroid stage). I’ve never judged anyone for doing it because I totally understand that it’s a personal choice. It’s just that I never imagined I’d really have to go through with it.
And now I’m here.
I didn’t make this decision irrationally. My doctor brought this to me shortly after the discovery of my goiter. My thyroidectomy became the more pressing matter so wls was placed on the back burner. Now that I’m 3 months out post-op, my weight is still fluctuating and weight only exacerbates already difficult symptoms; I decided it was time.
This whole journey has been humbling to say the least. I’ve always been active, even as a larger woman. I never had a problem with walking, exercising, eating healthy or any of those things. For so long I just thought, maybe I’m one of those people destined to be fat no matter what. It never occurred to me that there was an underlying issue.
I don’t look at this weight loss as a cure all, but rather an assistance. I have no desires to be super small; in fact I’m a bit worried about how much weight I will lose and what I will eventually look like. I actually like my fluff! But this is so much bigger than the physical appearance; and that’s not to knock anyone who chose the surgery for that reason.
I hope to be able to continue to share my journey with ya’ll as I get going on the road to a sleeve-gastrectomy and look forward to all that is to come; the good, the bad and the ugly!
Be alive & be great!