Sit Down: Why I’m Not Here for Your Fat Girl Fetishization

* while some of the things in this article apply to all women; right now I’m speaking specifically to my experience as a fat woman.*

When I was younger, I remember being the chubby one out the group always. For a long time I felt like the only guys who were interested in me were Jamaicans and Africans and occasionally Dominicans or Puerto Ricans. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with those nationalities (I’m a lover not a fighter) I couldn’t help but feel like I was never gonna find a guy who didn’t come from an island.

Thank Gawd I grew up and learned that there was a whole world outside of the crappy town I came out of. At any rate, as I grew older and thicker and my shape changed a million times over; eventually I learned that there were indeed men who would date me and like me despite whatever size I was. Heck, I even married one of those kind of guys.

BUT…I also learned along the way that there were men who had a thing for fat women, but not just a preference. I mean a whole fetish for fat women. I can’t count the times on both hands anymore how many times a man slid into my DM expressing his desires to do unspeakable things to my rolls, cellulite and stretchmarks.

Everyone has a right to like what they like or whateva, but I certainly have a problem when you land in my inbox and make it my issue.

A few years ago I had a t-shirt line called the Anti-fetish tee:


It was to the point that it seemed all that ever landed in my inbox was men who felt like it was ok to say whatever to me simply because I was fat.

Message after message I was propositioned with rude comments, and when I’d express my disinterest I was called the worse names possible.

So I proceeded to lock my social media down and move about my business. However, as I’ve proceeded to build my blog, I’ve once again utilized Instagram and Facebook to advertise and interact with potential consumers. This has opened the door to many ignorant fools to once again say whatever they want.

It’s INSULTING. I maybe fat but that does not make me any less deserving of being treated with dignity and respect. There are women out there who want to be treated that way, so go find them. Don’t be barking up my tree because I promise you it’s the wrong one.

I’ve seen so many posts and comments regarding fat women in which we are either being called all sorts of names and being told to lose weight or the extreme of someone thinking our bodies are only there to be treated like semen receptacles.

I find myself being way more conscious these days too. So many times I’ve been told a pic I’ve taken is ‘Sexy’ or ‘alluring’ and it’s moments that I’m trying to be none of the above. But to a lot of folks fat women are automatically in that category because we’re allegedly so desperate for attention and affection that we MUST be putting our sexuality on display if we’re wearing anything other than a tent dress.

Too many times I’ve had men tell me how they’ve never been with a “big girl before” and they’d like to try it. Like I’m just a sample tray at the fat girl deli or something. I’ve been told I give off a [f bomb here] me vibe, that my breast are distracting, that I look like I could suck a mean one etc etc. followed by “you know that’s how big girls do” or something to that effect.

I. AM. NOT. HERE. FOR. IT. I literally do not want to hear it anymore. I refuse to say thank you to backhanded compliments such as “you’re pretty for a big girl.” I will never respond if you DM me to call me gorgeous or sexy or beautiful because I’m married and reading is fundamental and you should’ve seen that in my bio. Anything you wanna say post it publicly where hubby can see; and if you can’t that means you shouldn’t have been saying it in the first place.

I’m definitely and most especially not here for you closet fat girl lovers. If you try to compliment me in my inbox but you’re steady ragging on fat girls on ya page; I may just be petty enough to screenshot it and share it.

Enough is enough. Get over this idea that fat women are here to be made fun of, or treated like a fetish. If indeed you do have a fetish, do not feel the need to bestow it upon all of us. I assure you, I’m really not here for it.

AP Young