Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and they told me that an old male friend of mine had quite a mouthful to say about body positive women and their ways. Now, what was intriguing to me is that this person was a man I used to date; which means clearly he has dated a fat woman. I was perplexed by what was paraphrased for me: “It’s all good loving your curves or rolls until you gotta go for that blood work.”
Now my immediate reaction was to laugh because I know this guy well enough to know that he is pretty tactless at times and it probably had some deeper meaner behind what he said. Nevertheless I sought clarity so I went straight to the horses mouth. So, while I wasn’t offended by anything he said, I wasn’t that impressed either.
He said the same thing every other person on the internet does when they are uncomfortable with someone else’s confidence.
More focus on physical health than confidence…
It’s ok to think your beautiful but don’t brag about it if you’re scared of bloodwork
Body positive movement is going to create a generation of unhealthy people
Blah blah blah blah
Grant it, he made valid points about the fact that people should be concerned with physical health. However, I feel like he missed a few important facts so I’d just like to clear somethings up.
I Can Love How I Look and Still See the Need to Lose Weight
Being body positive does not mean I somehow think everyone should give up on weight loss or exercise or healthy eating. I have to live in this body until I die. No sense in me trash talking it or hating it in the process. I can put a dress on and think I look fly and I’m allowed to do that despite my big belly, my rubbing thighs and my flapping bat wings I call arms.
Being Confident Does Not Mean You Don’t Have Health Concerns
My happiness in my appearance does not mean I can’t have health concerns. The two ideas are not synonymous. I am person who is pretty much an open book about my weight gain and loss struggles and health, but a lot of people may not be. So just because they’re comfortable sharing how good they feel in a particular outfit or in a particular pic does not mean they don’t also care about their health. Humans are complex beings quite capable of more than one train of thought.
My Confidence is None of Your Business
This goes without too much explanation. Let me and all the other fat people with confidence live. My confidence is not hurting you. My wish to love myself despite my perceived flaws is none of your business. Stop offering your unsolicited opinions in my messages or under my pictures. I literally do not care.
You’re Not A Doctor Because You Use Google
This is my face %99.9 of the time when someone offers to tell me how to lose weight, or just how much prettier I’d be if I just lost 100 lbs. I normally don’t even respond because I just don’t have that type of energy. Thanks for being my online WebMd certified Primary Care Physician. My weight, my blood pressure, my nonexistent diabetus thanks you.
I will always promote healthiness, and that is physically or mentally. You simply cannot look at a person and decide what leg of their journey they are in. The 500 lb man may have been 600 lbs just a year ago. The girl with the big belly enjoying a donut may have calorie budgeted her behind off and been going to the gym like crazy and this is her cheat day. I have no desire to misinform anyone about body positive, what is healthy or what isn’t. I can only speak to my experience.
I just want to put a little positive energy out, sprinkle a dash of self love in the mix and hope that there’s someone out there who needed that little extra umph and perhaps I’ve given it to them. If you can find it in yourself to pick at me or anything I do because I don’t fit the narrative of what you call beauty; I have only one thing to say to that:
Bless Your Heart!