I’ve had the pleasure of knowing a few people in my life who have opted for weight loss surgery for one reason or another. Right now, that is not an option on the table for me because we have to focus on the care for my thyroid. But needless to say, anyone who’s experienced a lifestyle change, or drastic weight loss is a valuable source of information as far as I’m concerned as I continue on my journey.
I’ve spoken to more than one of my friends who have in one way or another expressed that the loss of weight made them feel a loss of identity for a bit. Whether it be they had always defined themselves as ‘big’ or ‘plus size’ or they had become accustomed to viewing themselves in a certain way; the one common theme through out all their stories was the sense of self changing.
This got me to thinking and I posted it in my story on Instagram today. Who will I be if not plus sized??
Ok so Im definitely being a bit dramatic here. That’s ok, that’s who I am and ya’ll should know that by now; Drama Queen is one of the many hats I wear.
But seriously, I have given a lot of thought to this as I’ve been mentally preparing for this for quite some time. It took me most of my late teens and twenties to embrace my body. At that time I wasn’t even nearly as big as I am now; but entertainment, commercials and society led me to believe I wasn’t the ideal size. I spent so much time learning how to love my body, the perceived imperfections, the lack of abs, less than rotund booty etc. I invested in my self love bank until the return was an overflow of self love.
In a sense, I guess I can say my weight has defined me in a lot of ways. But the joys of maturation and life have taught me that my weight is not my only defining attribute. I am not looking to become apart of the slim committee. This is not a knock to the women who are apart of that or wish to be that. It’s just not for me.
My weight loss desire comes from the fact that I abruptly put on 100 lbs of weight within 2 years with no explanation (at first). My husband didn’t find me any less attractive and it didn’t stop the selective illiterates who ignore my ‘Married’ bio section from sliding in my DM’s. I didn’t feel any less attractive either, I just felt…bigger.
The reality is Hashimoto’s comes with some painful side effects, so of course I want to get my thyroid taken care of so my body can stop treating me like a stranger. Part of the treatment is changing how I eat and with that comes weight loss. I’d like to think that dropping a few stones (yea I said that in my best British accent) will not make me feel any differently about me or change my perception of my worth.
This body has been through war with me and I love it, even with it’s complete rebellion right now. Big or small I’m still 3 kids mama, this awesome guy’s wife, a passionate mental health advocate, a follower of Christ, a singer, a poet, an author, a funny gal, a lover of sci-fi, a bookworm, and many many many other things.
So while weight loss is a huge deal, and will change my life in many ways; I’m just not defined by such a trivial thing.
I am so much more, and that’s the parts of me that matter.