This morning the weather was dank and rainy; as a result my body was hurting so bad I found myself in tears before I could make it to my desk. I took some Turmeric pills and some ibuprofen and settled in. Within an hour or so, I felt functional enough to stop feeling like I wanted to end it all.
And this is what my days are like. I blog about clothes and fashion because I find that these are things I love; but it doesn’t negate that there are other things going on in my life. My health is a huge obstacle daily; physical and mental. People really do not understand.
I’ve spent years blogging about depression and the effects; recently I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis which I wrote about here.
The combination is enough to make my soul weary and pray for death. That’s an ugly space to be in especially when I’ve been blessed with a loving and supportive husband and beautiful children. Today I really had to take stock of what I had; so I shared a personal thought on Instagram:
To most people this looks like a fat neck on a fat person. And they'd be right except this is actually a #goiter (enlarged thyroid) due to #hashimotosthyroiditis . It is frustrating to try to lose weight and it not happen bc your body no longer functions as it should due to #hypothyroidism . The chronic inflammation in the joints is enough to make a grown man cry. I've become super self conscious about my neck lately and discouraged even by this whole treatment process. But like every other hurdle in life I will do my best to make #lemonade w/these 🍋🍋🍋 . Thankful thankful always for my amazing support system I love you guys! 💋
Life can feel so ugly when you’re battling your own body and mind. Though I am a person who generally doesn’t acknowledge stranger’s opinions; I do find myself frustrated with the ignorance of those who come to my blogs or my social media to tell me how fat or unhealthy I am and that I can’t be beautiful.
I could cuss everybody out, I could respond in the same manner of ignorance; but then that’d be me taking the low road like them. Instead, I opt to educate through my own journey. I have no desire to be a size 2; I’ve always been happier curvier; but I also don’t desire to be teetering and tottering on the 400 lbs I go back and forth with every couple of months. However, I’ve gotta love this body no matter what size it is because I intend to spend a long time in it loving my kids and my husband.
I am not here for everyone’s consumption. I understand that the world is full of wicked and unhappy people who thrive off the misery of others. I just can’t give those people the luxury of getting my goat so to speak. I am here for those traversing similar journeys. I am here to be a comrade. I am here to educate and to advocate. I am here to humbly encourage other people to love themselves.
It’s so easy to love everyone else; but the challenge is in loving yourself. Are you ready?