I tend to hate the whole NYE thing; it’s always rife with stereotypical new year new me rhetoric that I personally hate.
This year was definitely one that proved to be a combination of things for me; mostly emotionally, which I guess is to be expected when you deal with major depression.
I lost 2 pregnancies 6 months apart.It was so devastating that I left my full time and part time job. I moved 700 miles away from what I’ve known as home for 10 years. I also met my last year in my 20’s this year; in 3 short months I will officially be 30.
I severed ties with someone who had been an emotional opportunist succubus. I revisited the reasons I fell in love with my husband, and I fell in love again.
I fought my depression with all I had; and though I lost a few battles I have endured to make it through another year of fighting.
I grew up.
I recognized the selfish behaviors I had been wrestling with, and I have fought hard to change them.
I realized that self indulgence of any form has no place in a happy, well functioning family.
I stepped back from the ledge I had been so close to tip toeing off of.
I will not say new year new me, because I will still be me into 2015. Emotionally inept at times, sincere in my efforts, I will stumble, I will get up, I will learn and I will grow. I will have bad days and good days. I will have days where I will dance and greet the sun with a smile and I will have days when grief and sorry lay on my door’s step before I even rise.
The most important thing here is that I’ve survived; granted another opportunity to make change where change is needed. Maybe I will succeed or maybe I will fail; who knows what 2015 will bring.