I’ve been blogging for 8 years on various topics; so it’s no wonder I’d finally arrive at the topic of being an at home mom. I weighed this in my head before I finally hit the the publish button on my blog customization. Will anyone care about what I have to say? What will set me apart from all the other at home moms who have blogs that saturate the internet? And I felt intimidated, briefly considered not posting at all. But then I remembered I’m someone who totally likes to do what I want so here I am.
A Little About Me:
I’m probably not your standard issued at home mom if you consider my background. I gave birth to my first child out of wedlock 11 years ago when I was 18 years old. I was a single mom for the first two and a half years of my daughter’s life. Then I met my husband. He fell in love with me and my daughter and the rest is history (though this is definitely the abbreviated version of events.). About two years into our relationship I got pregnant again and then I gave birth to my son who is now six.
We were two kids in now, so of course marriage was the next step, even if it was a step backwards in the order of things. For the majority of our relationship we both were employed. The idea of being an at home mom never crossed my mind. As I made the transition from retail work into pursuing a better job, the idea was always to pursue a career, and that’s what I did. The more I worked, the more disgruntled I became and the less patience I had for my children. All the ideologies I had about being a mother had all but disappeared. What was I doing?
How it Happened:
In February 2014 my husband and I experienced what is called a missed miscarriage. It literally knocked the wind out of my sails. I’m a person who struggles with depression and you can check that journey out here. It was more than my fragile emotions could handle and I found myself having to leave work per doctor’s orders. So here I am, at home, twiddling my thumbs. My children were enrolled in an online school that was designed to be done from home. They had been attending a center with other at home schooled children so I wasn’t heavily involved. And then that changed.
My husband and I decided that financially it made more sense for me to do the schooling with them. This was no small feat. Suddenly I was immersed in their school work and responsible for their education. I thought getting them to keep clean rooms was hard; this task was definitely more challenging. I’d like to regale you with tales of how fluid my transition was and how my kids and I just fell into this awesome routine. But then that’d be a complete load of bull.
The reality is I HATED it. Yep I said it. In the beginning, they were all over the place, and so was my patience. They fidgeted, asked a million questions that never had anything to do with their work, they whined, the wanted snacks all the time and the concept of quiet time was NON EXISTENT. I mean, after the first day I was ready to throw in the towel and jump into a vat of wine. Despite that inclination I kept pushing. Eventually (and I do mean in time), we found our rhythm. I found a schedule that worked for us and I was able to make it through the school year.
So after diving head first into the at home mommy lifestyle, I finally found my peace with it. At first, I always felt compelled to job search, to be doing something outside of the house. I wasn’t content with simply just being mom and wife. My husband (who I believe secretly always wanted this traditional lifestyle) couldn’t be more pleased. He supported me through all of my tears, frustrations and talked me off the ledge more times than I can count.
Over this past summer we made a huge relocation from Philadelphia PA to Stone Mountain GA. In the time right before our move, we discovered we were pregnant again. My children were in CT visiting with family so that definitely took a lot of pressure of things. However, shortly after our move,I lost this baby as well. I’ve shared that very personal journey here. This was extremely difficult as my husband was still in PA and I was here with family, but without his physical support. Needless to say, this summer has been a tremendous journey to travel.
Despite all that occurred, I think it’s safe to say I’ve found my rhythm once more and I’m ready to start writing about it and sharing it. This blog will be a space for me to be candid about motherhood, being at home and dealing with the day-to-day. No frills here and no judgement! After writing this post, I’ve decided that maybe I’m not just another typical at home mom blogger.
But I guess that’s for you to decide!